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to the graduates! 🎓
Hi!
Happy graduation szn! Congrats to all the grads, you did it!
As I am [redacted] years out, I wanted to share some things I wish I had known back when I first graduated.
Relationships: Know that relationships will change, and that’s okay! Your besties from college might not be your besties for life, but sometimes people have to leave to make space for people who are more suited for you. It doesn’t mean they’re bad people, it just means they weren’t in it for the long haul. Take time to mourn the end of a friendship. Sometimes friendship breakups are just as (or even harder) than romantic breakups. But after some time, wish them well and keep it movin’.
Money: Spending your hard-earned paycheck on going out, expensive meals out, or on things you might not need can be tempting, but it’s important to consider where your money is going. Are you spending money because you want to, or are you spending money just to keep up with the Joneses? Do you need to buy that new outfit or should you instead put that money towards a rainy day fund? I once went on a two-day trip to Talladega because my friends coerced me into going. Needless to say, I could have died never having gone to a NASCAR race.
Mental Health: Be kind to your mind! The transition out of college can be difficult, so if you’re struggling, don’t fret, it’s completely normal. Let’s face it, change is hard, but what has helped me is being vulnerable with others when I’m struggling. Talking to loved ones can provide a sense of closeness and connection so many of us are missing in today’s world, and it’s important to remember you’re not alone in your feelings. Also, having a self-care routine is essential, such as journaling, therapy, spending time in nature, getting in movement, and practicing mindfulness.
Friendships: Prioritizing friendships has been the cornerstone and best part of my 20s. If you want to go on dates, go for it! But just remember that your friends will be there for you before, during, and after a romantic relationship. Don’t be that person who ditches their friends when they get into a relationship.
Hobbies: This is the freshman year of the real world. Try not to get stuck in the cycle of work – scroll on phone – sleep every day. Instead, find a hobby that interests you. What were the activities you did as a kid that made you happy? Try to do one activity after work that can help you have more of a work-life balance. Some days you’ll just need to rot and that’s completely okay, but other days push yourself to do something that will fill up your cup.
Work: Have boundaries at work and don’t let your boss take advantage of you. Unfortunately, some people use their seniority and power to control and manipulate you. So instead of seeing your boss as the Reverend Mother, find a mentor who you can trust and confide in. Also, if you need to change jobs for your mental health, that is so valid and admirable in my eyes. Life is too short to work yourself to the bone for a business that doesn’t care if you live or die.
Lastly, remember that the path isn’t linear. You may feel pressured by your friends’ achievements/salary/positions, but remember you have your own timeline. Someone else’s success isn’t your failure, and surrounding yourself with successful and hardworking people can inspire and motivate you too!
Good luck, and if you need anything – shoot me an email. <3
Xo,
Emily
when preparation meets opportunity 🍀
Hi!
Today let’s chat about a trend that popped off on the internet last year: Lucky Girl Syndrome.
What exactly is Lucky Girl Syndrome? Popularized on TikTok, Lucky Girl Syndrome is Gen Z’s version of positive thinking and the younger and cooler version of the millennial’s manifestation craze. Lucky Girl Syndrome centers around the idea that good things will happen to you if you believe they will. In other words, by affirming to yourself that you are a lucky person, the Universe will manifest good fortune in your life.
For some, this might seem too good to be true, but for others, Lucky Girl Syndrome could be just the remedy to turn a sour mood around. And you're not alone; countless online testimonials swear by its magic, citing instances like receiving a free coffee or an unexpected job offer after adopting the belief.
Lucky Girl Syndrome might inspire you to turn around a bad mood quickly, but it is not enough to make a considerable impact over time. Not to mention, online “evidence” of the Lucky Girl Syndrome is steeped in white cishet privilege. Are you really experiencing Lucky Girl Syndrome, or are you just benefiting from privilege? After all, evidence of Lucky Girl Syndrome isn’t just created in a vacuum of positive thinking.
I know what you’re thinking – I’m a curmudgeon for discounting Lucky Girl Syndrome, sitting high and mighty on my throne of logical thinking. However, I’m not rejecting Lucky Girl Syndrome entirely as I do think it has its merits in helping develop a more positive mindset. Yet, for lasting change, thinking positive thoughts is simply not enough. Instead, we need to take conscious actions toward our goals and develop habits to increase our luck every day. In the long run, these habits will pay off and as a result, our ‘luck’ will naturally increase.
To increase your luck, we must first reflect!
✍️ Journaling prompts for Lucky Girl Syndrome:
Reflect on a recent fortunate experience in your life. What positive thoughts or actions do you believe contributed to this luck?
Visualize your ideal lucky day from start to finish. What activities, encounters, or experiences would make this day feel exceptionally lucky for you?
How can you incorporate more luck-affirming habits or practices into your daily routine? Brainstorm actionable steps to attract more luck on a regular basis.
How can you increase luck for others, especially for those who are disadvantaged? What are ways you can raise others up?
If you turn your aspirations into daily habits and consistently work hard, you will create more opportunities for yourself and others. However, it's important to acknowledge that privilege also plays a role in achievement. Remember to think critically about your advantages in society and make space for those who are historically marginalized.
By putting in effort to work on yourself and cultivate opportunities, you can grow a garden of success for yourself and those around you. As you achieve higher positions of power, remember to shine the spotlight and give opportunities to those who might not have the same privilege as you do. As the saying goes, "It will never rain roses: when we want to have more roses, we must plant more roses."
And at the risk of sounding cheesy… good luck ;) 🍀
Xo,
Emily
Finals Survival Guide
Hi!
Can you believe we’re almost at the end of the school year?! As we near the end of the Spring semester, we must brace ourselves for the dreaded finals week. I know, I know, it's unfortunate, but luckily at In Bloom, we have the tools to support you through it all.
✨ Your finals week survival guide: ✨
24 oz water bottle - dehydration decreases brain function so make sure you're getting in your water intake 1
Protein-packed snacks for studying (pb + bananas is my fav)
Social-media app blockers - I use Opal for my phone and Cold Turkey for my laptop
A guided meditation to manage anxiety and overwhelm
Your In Bloom journal
While it may seem like there's no room in your schedule for journaling, the mental health and academic benefits are a no-brainer.
Research has shown that journaling is not just a creative outlet; it's a proven practice for managing stress. By putting your thoughts and feelings on paper, you can gain clarity, reduce anxiety, and enhance your resilience—qualities that make a huge difference during finals week.
Also, incorporating journaling into your daily routine can significantly improve sleep. When you jot down your worries on paper before bed, you create a sense of closure that allows your mind to rest peacefully, ensuring you wake up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle your exams.
To help get you started, we've picked out a couple of journaling prompts to help you out this finals szn:
Take a moment to appreciate the little things in life. List three things you're grateful for today, and reflect on how they bring joy to your life.
Write about a time when you faced a difficult challenge and overcame it. How did you persevere, and what strengths did you discover?
Take a moment to think about how this semester has gone for you. Have you noticed any changes in yourself, both academically and personally? What have you learned from your experiences this semester?
Visualize yourself succeeding in your exams. Picture yourself feeling confident and capable as you approach each question.
Don't forget to remind yourself of who you are by repeating this mantra and writing it down: "I am capable and prepared." What other mantras are helpful for you? Repeat your mantras whenever doubts creep in and know that you are that bitch.
At In Bloom, we're here for you when you need us the most, especially during finals week. Our goal is to help you not just survive but thrive in all areas of your life. Remember, even in the middle of all the exam chaos, taking a moment for yourself can make all the difference. You got this bb!
Wishing you success and peace of mind,
💜 Emily
Building my year
It’s lost on me how January breathed in the new year and instead of exhaling, it held on to the hope that the year is only yet to come. By February I realize the year is breathing now and all the time. Each day is a timid inhale that releases only in the quiet hours of the night, after the lights are turned off and the footprints of my upstairs neighbors peter out with my thoughts. January feels the same every year, yet as long as I live there will always be a new January, fraught with different worries, hopes, and intermittent joys.
If each year is a house, construction begins on January 1st. As the month ends, I look around the walls of January’s room and I don’t know why but the walls are blank. Perhaps the cold winter air makes the room feel sterile and gray, but maybe if I stay long enough I’ll see the sunlight peek through the tattered curtains. Languidly I walk into February, looking around knowing I’ll soon be out. Because the month feels over before it even begins, I forget to settle into my space. In fact, if I’m honest with myself, I’m already imagining what my rooms will look like in spring.
I make no goals this month other than to open up a bit more, but the shutters on the windows tell me it’s not the time. Even if I needed the windows open I’m not sure I could by sheer will alone. Instead I learn to enjoy the darkness and some days I fill the room with every bulb I can find. There are moments when the room is so light I hardly remember it hasn’t been illuminated by real sun in years. Halfway through February I remind myself that as much as I want the sun, the winter serves its purpose as the base of the year, the base of the house. I try to make each day a living breathing memory because it already is whether I’m conscious of it or not. And when the shutters break open and I have no choice but to surrender to the elements, I know January will keep me stable even if the winds and rains try to break my house down. Slowly I will build my house with each passing month until the year is sitting solid in my rearview as I walk into January’s new bones again.
artist: Peter Sheeler
Winter makes me feel claustrophobic
It’s 1am and I am full of energy. Visions of my walls closing in on me keep me up. Awake I lay in bed in my small room in my small apartment with too many things scattered around. With each short and stifled breath, my room gets tighter.
Winter’s dawn braces me for nights where I'm locked in these four walls, too cold outside to take a walk, rain and snow and gray skies dissuading me from exploring. I crave an escape, I need a plan. Solemnly I vow to spend as much time as I can outside of my room. To ease my anxiety, I decorate a hypothetical countryside estate in my mind. High ceilings, wood floors, and art adorned walls. A place where everything has its spot and there’s room for even more. With each room I garnish, my thoughts quiet and I finally doze off.
My alarm goes off at 8am and I wake with the goal of getting out. I make a cup of tea and head to the living room with my journal. As I begin to write, I’m confronted by the hammering of construction. The sharp clanking of metal on metal mocks my desire to get out. Retreating to my room, I'm back to the place I was in last night. In my small corner of the world, I long for a place so big I lose myself.
Resuming my journal entry, it becomes clear to me that my lack of square footage isn’t the main source of my claustrophobia. Rather than feeling physically confined by my walls, I’m actually confined by current reality. Stagnation manifests as claustrophobia.
How would I describe my current reality? Comfortable, maybe. Routine. Contemplatively, I think maybe I should reframe “routine” and instead look at it with reverence. Momentarily I tell myself I don't need anything else, I can escape the mundane with adventures told in books and movies. My world feels bigger this way, and I'm perfectly, comfortably fine.
Ultimately, I concede that feeling claustrophobic at 1am doesn’t exactly qualify as being “perfectly fine”.
In an effort to get out of my head, I forced myself to get out of the apartment that week. I visited restaurants and coffee shops and friends. I looked at strangers and wondered what their story was. Do they worry about wasting the good years? What keeps them up at night? Do they rise and fall all in day's work? Slowly I don’t feel as insular as I once did. My world expands by an inch.
Looking inward, I accept that it’s human nature to want more, that feeling stuck or small is all a part of the human condition. Thinking of where I wanted to be at the end of 2022 can be a difficult reality to face. I may not have climbed mountains this year, but if I’m honest with myself, I know that the peak will never come. I’ll always want more, but that’s okay. The fact that I'm constantly seeking is a testament to my humanity, curiosity, and the fulfillment the journey brings. People are rewarded with dopamine when we adopt a lust for life, when we seek something greater and when we feel like we are at life's fringes. The driving force of this sensation is not the achievement of a new life, but rather the hope and belief of what more life can be.
With love,
Emily
Sometimes in the fall
It’s September 29th and the weatherman said a high of 64 today, so I put my fan in storage, tucking it next to unused luggage, envious of my roommates with their realized travels this summer's past. I add an extra blanket to my bed and throw on sweatpants tonight instead of shorts. As I light a candle, I notice my beach blanket hangs in the closet like a keepsake from summer. It's tarnished at the end, emblematic of the careless days and weathered fun.
I made amends with the early sunsets and welcomed the dip in temperatures. It rained last night, and although I shivered as I looked for my car, I kissed the cool breeze and let my tears drip down my cheek. Fall is here.
Though the trees are browning and the plants are dying, fall feels young. I revert to old habits. I listen to albums from high school and college. I meet myself at the intersection of where I've been and where I'm heading. Fall births reflection.
Sometimes in fall I screw up. I look in the mirror and ask myself what's wrong with me. I feel alone in my guilt, isolated in my experience. I dislike what I see in the mirror, and I mutter to myself that nothing is what it’s supposed to be. Once again, I’ve swayed too far from the path of better decisions. The only time when I feel fine is when swaddled by the blankets in my bed.
I fight with my flaws, I weigh my to-do lists, and I lose sight of where I come from. Sometimes in the fall I get nightmares. I awake in the night with images of loved ones dying. The trees losing their leaves reminds me of the cyclical nature of life. I make a mental note to call people more. I feel better when I do.
Sometimes in the fall I reteach myself forgiveness. I remind myself I'm okay, this too shall pass. I am not wrong or broken or unworthy. I am deserving of forgiveness, of love.
And as the trees lose their leaves, wearing nothing but their etched skin, sometimes in the fall I realize that I'm older now, but it doesn’t scare me. I realize that being on my own is the best equilibrium. I find comfort in my solitude, my books and music and fleeting connections. I know when they are over I can find another book, album, or person. I feel held by my own company. It’s true that the trees know that the leaves will sprout again, keeping their trunks warm like an embrace from a stranger. And when the leaves withdraw from the branches, landing haphazardly somewhere else, new ones will soon warm their wooden bodies again.
With love,
Emily
The In Bloom Daily Journal
Let out those late night thoughts / fall reflections / big ideas.
They deserve a home, too.
The Stages Of Grief: Back To School Edition
Hi,
Is it just me, or do you feel a sense of grief when August arrives? Even if it’s long past the time when I was in school, back when I would buy pencils and an agenda and worry about what to wear on the first day of school. Though schedules change very little now that summer break is a coveted memory of youth, August ubiquitously feels like the start of an end.
The ending of summer begins with an AC unit. I once sat around the window unit, exhaustedly fanning my dewy face as it racks up my electricity bill. And on days when the temperatures surpass 90, I'd nearly pray to it.
The summer heat in New England explodes like a firework, this sudden burst of all-consuming warmth becomes life's main fixture. I can’t go anywhere without commenting on it, thinking about it. I feel it in my bones, all senses are affected. Whether it’s tasting the sweat from my upper lip or feeling the prolonged slap on my shoulders from a careless sunburn, the heat is always present. And just as temperatures reach its most unbearable peak, a summer storm rolls in and kills the heat. Like a firework, the heat burns so strongly only for it to fade so quickly I can hardly remember it was once so potent. So I prop the window open to let the fresh breeze in, no longer needing my AC. This is the first sign of the end.
Soon, the sun sets earlier and earlier each day, and by only August 3rd it’s the last day of the year when the sun sets after 8pm.
August is a shift in time, a shift in seasons. It’s an end of a daze, a daydream interrupted.
Welcoming the fall isn’t always easy. In my opinion, it’s a process similar to the stages of grief.
When I was still in school, the stages of summer’s grief would look similar to this -
The Stages of Grief: Back to School Edition
Stage 1: Denial (usually early August)
Nope. I don’t care what the calendar says. Summer IS going to last forever. I still have so much time left and I’m not even thinking of the fall. I’m just living in the moment and I couldn't care less about what is to come.
Stage 2: Anger (when the first back to school ad pops up)
Summer started two minutes ago and now all of a sudden I have to start thinking of going back to school? That’s insanely rude and honestly, disturbing. I’m sending my school a cease and desist letter. I simply do not want to know my schedule, when my start day is, nothing.
Stage 3: Bargaining (mid August)
Okay, even though the end of summer is coming, I can at least use fall as an opportunity to completely reinvent myself. This fall I’m going to be productive, social, and look hotter than the sun. I’m going to wake up at 5am to go for a 5 mile run, get straight A’s, eat healthy, save the whales, make a ton of new friends, and do this all while partying until the sun comes out. I don’t care if I have to burn the candle at both ends.
Stage 4: Depression (last week of August)
It’s one week until school starts and I have to go shopping, see my grandma, have one last summer blowout, earn $10,000, get a manicure, do 40 loads of laundry, pack my things, when all I want to do is lie in bed and do nothing.
Stage 5: Acceptance (September begins)
Well we’re back and I can’t do anything about it. As much as I want to make time stop, I can’t. Funny how it works like that. But it’s not too bad, it’s actually kind of nice to see people I haven’t seen in awhile and I’m feeling more prepared than I thought. Sure I’m a bit stressed and no, I probably won’t be waking up for 5am runs, but I think I’m going to be okay.
Do any of you relate to these stages of grief as the summer dips to fall? I would love to know how you’re feeling this time around. But first, here are some writing prompts to get you reflecting on the end of summer -
What did you learn about yourself this summer?
What occupied your inner monologue in the summer?
What do you hope fall will bring?
How can you make time for yourself this fall?
Let me know how it goes. Wishing you the best of summer's last fireworks.
With love,
Emily
So Feminine With Grace (6/30/22)
New Journal Release
The WOMAN Series
I collaborated with artist LaShonda Cooks on these beautiful new journals. The journals celebrate the inner strength and resolve women possess. I hope that these journals inspire you to be vulnerable and gentle with your thoughts while giving you the fortitude to work through them.
As always, 10% of the proceeds from these journals will go to The LoveLand Foundation, an organization that provides free therapy to Black women and girls.
5 questions you need to ask yourself before August begins
Hi!
Can you believe it's nearly August?
At the beginning of the month I asked myself how I wanted July to feel. I contemplated this question as if July had already passed. When summer ends, what is it I want to remember about this time?
Do I want to remember being tired, headaches come and headaches go, messy rooms and unticked checklists? Being annoyed at friends only to forgive them once the sting has worn off, rabbit holes and under eye bags?
Or do I want to remember conversations with strangers, morning meditations, learning funny accents? Trying not to get sunburnt as I read in the park, belly breaths and trying something new?
This past month has brought in self-reflection, self-doubt, and growing pains. It hasn’t been a particularly easy month, nor a particularly hard month. Though everything I set out to do at the beginning of this month has unfolded the way that it should. I’m still finding my footing. I’m still learning. Things aren’t perfect, but they will never be, and for that I am grateful.
So, for August I’ve gathered 5 questions to consider before the month begins:
What were some of your small wins in the past month? For example, did you reach out to someone when you were struggling? Did you try something new? Did you trust your gut? Etc.
What was a challenge you had in the past month? How have you overcome it, or are you still working through it?
What are you manifesting for August?
What are you leaving behind in July?
What are 3 things you’d like to open your heart to in August?
Let me know how these go for you. Looking forward to seeing what August has in store for us.
With love,
Emily
golden hour in July
-
my hair feathers your shoulders as we embrace
sun drenched at 6:46
the bluebirds sing for us
we haven't always been easy
but now the afternoon breeze whispers otherwise
you know it's not the same as it was
June arrived like a clock hand ticking from 4:59 to 5pm. The high was 61 degrees in Boston and despite all the rain, summer’s presence still lingered from Memorial Day Weekend, when the temperature peaked at 88. Despite the absence of warm weather, my morale was high as memories of beach days, late sunsets, and windows-down drives satiated me.
June gave way to a future-memory, a bookend of a season. As though I was exhaling from a pent up inhale, I let my breath go. What was once held tightly in was now open, free to invite in a new breath, a new season.
We made it to my favorite time of the year: The Summer Months.
Unfortunately, the fogginess and rain hung around for a few more days, and the grand memories of summer became as muted as the overcast skies. Anxious thoughts drizzled in the back of my mind while I willed myself to resume the sunny disposition I had just a couple of days ago.
In spite of my effort to will the sun break through my clouds, the rain persisted and the following questions hailed: Will this summer live up to the expectations? What will give me structure (and income) once nannying lets out for summer break? Is summer truly as fun as it was in my youth, when carefree days weren’t second-guessed, and rent wasn’t due on the first of the month?
It was on Friday evening when the sun came out of hiding, and almost instantly my mood shifted as the rays poured into the three-pane windows at the nannying house. The connection between weather and mood is almost laughable, though nonetheless real. As the beams lit up the foyer, vibrantly and then fading again and again, I started imagining a more realistic version of summer. A summer filled with work, boredom, and loneliness, but also a summer of weekend adventures, people watching, long walks and nights out. These moments will, like the sunbeams, flicker and wane, but then make their vivid return to brighten the halls up once again.
It’s naive to think that all of our problems, insecurities, and doubts will melt away once Memorial Day Weekend hits. Managing expectations and allowing life to dim is a practice in patience and in creating peace with transience. We become patient in moments of quiet rather than rushing to the next big thing, because we know that even if we desire a life of excitement, there will inevitably be moments of dullness. No one thing is forever, and dullness is always relative to and exists because of the next big thing.
Likewise, to imagine the future as a set of highs is setting ourselves up for disappointment. But to take our plans and accept that they will change in some form whether we like it or not is the greatest lesson of all. Oftentimes our imagination of what the future holds ceases to exist. Transience may bring about a nihilistic view of the world, but it also brings hope. Hope that all states of being are temporary: health, happiness, motivation, and love, but also sickness, sadness, depression, and pain.
To exist in a positive state requires work and constant maintenance, and even then, there can’t always be sunshine. Even the brightest places experience rain.
I hope that you are well and that your summer is off to a great start. If not, remember it’s only temporary. The sun will radiate soon enough.
With love,
Emily
boredom woes + friends & fam sneak peeks
Hi!
When do you feel like you’re going through it the most? When shit hits the fan, yes, I'm going through it. But other than that, I feel like I'm going through it when I'm BORED.
There are times when everything feels routine and mundane. When there’s a lack of inspiration and zest for life. It’s not necessarily a state of depression, instead it's a “lack of stimulation from the outside world” (LiveScience).
Truth be told, I’m not actually going through it [Kim there's people that are dying!]. In reality, it’s a privilege to be bored. But in an effort to validate my feelings, let’s examine boredom.
Boredom to me is a fine line (great song btw). When I have a lot of unfulfilling downtime, AKA when I fry my brain cells while scrolling on my phone for hours, I end up feeling like I'm in a rut. If I were making a cake and the recipe asked for a teaspoon of boredom, I might as well have poured the whole bag. Getting to this spot of pure and utter boredom makes the cake taste like shit, and I feel just the same. Like shit.
But with a teaspoon of boredom I turn to my creative interests. I’m not distracted by constant activity and running around from place to place. To fill my downtime time, I'll make videos or do some writing, sing a song and play guitar. But it has to be just the right amount of boredom for me to get to this spot. Anything over a teaspoon makes me feel tired, and anything less than a teaspoon I feel uninspired. Needless to say, this cake recipe is damn nitpicky.
But the voice in the back of my head wants to scream “Why on earth do you equate your downtime to productivity?”
I suppose I know the quick answer (capitalism), but maybe there is another reason. If I were to create a hierarchy of least to most fulfilling activities, phone time would be at the bottom of the pyramid. The top of the pyramid on the other hand would house journaling, walking, reading, and creating of any kind.
And sometimes I don’t want to do any of those things. At all. Which makes me feel bad about myself as I wonder why I am resistant to these activities even though they always make me feel better.
I think because these pursuits seemingly take more brain power than a mindless scroll. They require thinking, being present, focused… all of which uses energy. And I get tired, dammit!
But… is the energy I exert from doing these more meaningful activities greater than the energy I exert when sulking?
Upon further research, I’m not so sure. According to Scientific American, the exertion of varying degrees of mental activity burns relatively the same amount of energy, otherwise known as calories. Instead, the article argues that simply the belief that these activities require more energy is enough to make one feel more tired, similar to a placebo effect.
Knowing that there’s a placebo effect at play gives me the hope that I can change my mindset around doing these more fulfilling activities. I can fight back against the perception that these activities are more mentally tiring now that I know they’re really not.
I asked on TikTok what some cures for boredom are for you. Unsurprisingly, some of the comments revolved around getting off of their phone –
“honestly getting off my phone and doing literally anything else makes me not bored. even if it’s just like doing chores with headphones in”
“going outside and simply just sit in the grass, it gives me sm motivation to do productive things instead of laying in bed all day haha”
I think the Law of Diminishing Returns applies to screen time. In moderation, it can be a lot of fun. With too much however, you end up spiraling. Everyone has a different point where the negative effects of screen time outweigh the positive. I guess I just need to learn what that tipping point is for me. Maybe I can do an experiment and get back to you ;)
Let me know some of your cures for boredom! I’d love to include them in the next newsletter.
Lastly, do something fulfilling this weekend! Whatever that means to you. You deserve it. 🤩
With love,
Emily
more than one in three women
Hi!
TW: Sexual assault.
In light of a sexual predator winning a Grammy, I thought I’d chat about my experience in Hollywood as a woman and in working in corporate.
For context, in college I studied business administration with a concentration in business analytics (an alternate name being how many times can we use the word ‘business’ in the title without sounding fake), and I worked in a few business jobs through internships and full time. In Hollywood, I lived and worked for about a year and a half after my short stint in corporate America.
In ~the business world~, there were many instances where it felt like the workplace was a boys club. One example is when my manager projected a male co-workers dating profile on his office TV and commented on the young women’s bodies. He literally would say if a woman looked fat in her photos. It was pretty disgusting.
There would also be countless golfing networking events. *Shockingly*, and this may be hard to believe, I don’t golf and I have no desire to learn. I don't even like mini golfing. Frankly, I find mini golfing to be a boring, uncreative, and tortuous way to spend a summer afternoon, but hey let’s save that hot take for another day.
Anyways, back to the boys club at the water cooler. More often than not, in work teams I’d be the only woman, and during lunchtime, every conversation would revolve around sports and/or drinking. Now listen, maybe the places I worked at weren't the right company culture for me, or maybe I’m not interested in sports and that’s a me problem, but either way I felt like there were barriers of belonging in the workplace.
Hollywood, however, felt like a more extreme example.
As soon as I got to town, I wanted to network. Take the gal out of business school but can’t take the business school out of the gal, as the saying goes (?). As eager as I was to get out there and paint the town red, the realities of this endeavor soon sank in.
Oftentimes, what I thought would be a casual meet up for coffee became an awkward dance around blocking advances. A few months in and I would get ready for meetings with trepidation as I wondered what the other person's intentions were. Rather than getting to act in a will-they-won’t-they relationship trope in an Emmy award winning single-cam comedy, I instead dreaded a will-they-won’t-they hit on me at a Starbucks Reserve.
My excitement for networking slowly diminished, as did my excitement for a Starbucks Reserve (I mean, does anyone actually like nitro cold brew?). What I realized is that you can choose not to go to these networking meetings to “protect” yourself from uncomfortable experiences, but likely you won’t get further in your career since Hollywood is such a “I know a guy who knows an Important Guy™” business. And yes, the Important Guy™ is almost always exclusively a guy.
If you do choose to go, you risk feeling demoralized and objectified. Even worse, the interaction could backfire in the sense that the guy becomes bitter because you don’t reciprocate their advances, and therefore you’ve burned a bridge. Or even WORSE (and thankfully I have never experienced this*), you could be assaulted.
Now I know that In the past I’ve gaslit myself into feeling flattered by these “harmless” situations. I should be grateful I even have the opportunity to network! It’s a privilege to make connections. It’s a privilege to even get a meeting!
But let me tell you, I didn’t move 3000 miles to get hit on by Jo Schmo who works in the CAA mailroom. I moved to make art for a living, to explore the human condition through performance, connect with other creatives, and entertain people, dammit!
And there’s another point of this too where I feel like I shouldn’t even write about this or have these thoughts because this seems like such… champagne problems. But I know my feelings are valid, and I want to push myself to be more open about issues women face. If I’ve faced sexism in the mere year and a half I was in the business world and in Hollywood, I’m sure as shit that many other women have experienced what I have and worse. The only way we can make change in these industries, or any industry, is if we speak up about it.
Circling it back to the Grammys, the fact that a man who has assaulted multiple women just received one of the most prestigious entertainment awards is disgusting. Sexism is systemic and pervades all industries. I wish there was a silver lining to this news, but all we can do is keep sharing our stories, fight for legislation that protects womxn, believe survivors, and hold abusers accountable. I don’t have all the answers, but I do have a voice and I won’t stop speaking until the day I die.
With love,
Emily
party girls don't get hurt
Hi!
Today I am going to get vulnerable and share with you my Journaling Origin Story.
Back in 2017, on balmy Sunday in August, I had this text exchange with my best friend Abby.
If you skim the first part of the text exchange, you will see that Abby reassuringly says “yeah you didn’t seem too drunk at all” (which by the way, is a complete and total lie, but thank you Abby for sparing my feelings) in response to me feeling guilty from overindulging at bottomless brunch the day before. The day (and night) consisted of many mimosas and God help me, Four Loko. I straight up acted like a fool and the hangxiety was REAL the next day.
After a nap and a couple of Advils, I decided to whip out the ole journal in an effort to feel in more control in my life. And the crazy thing is, it actually helped. I was able to confront and process my feelings of guilt and shame, and vow to take a healthier course of action with drinking and going out.
Although it took until 2019 to start journaling daily (yes, it took me a couple years to get my shit together, what can I say I’m human), I’m glad I was able to use it as a tool to vent about my degenerate behavior at that moment and for the few weeks following.
What started as a moment of feeling like a dummy ended up changing my life forever. I used to think journaling was kind of pointless. I would just write what was going on in my day to day, but never really got into anything juicy. I also was journaling once every few months. Like with most things, you get the most out of writing when you make it a habit. It’s like going to the gym, you won’t see that much of a difference in your fitness level if you only hit the weights section once every six months. It’s the same idea with working on your mental health, you have to actively work on it.
Consistent journaling works because you are able to recognize patterns in your thinking. When writing about an issue you keep facing, it becomes a call to action. You can’t keep writing about the same problem forever. Well I mean you could, but you’re probably going to get really sick of writing about it AND oh I don’t know, living with the issue. In short, when journaling becomes a daily habit, we develop the ongoing awareness to change things in our lives instead of running away.
Have you been wanting to get into the habit of journaling but struggle to stay consistent? First of all I see you and I feel you. I’ve been there! (RE the two years it took me to finally journal daily), but let me tell you it is absolutely worth working on. I have a whole program dedicated to getting people in the habit of daily journaling and know firsthand and through my students how much journaling has helped them. My mental health has improved immensely since daily journaling and I’m proud to say, I don’t get that shwasty anymore like I did in 2017. Although I still definitely have a lot of learning and growing to do, I can honestly say I’ve never been healthier or happier. So no, younger Emily, journaling is not pointless, it’s actually the one thing that will help you the most.
Let me know if you have any journaling questions and I’ll be happy to respond.
Xo
Emily
the universe, man
Hi!
I am entirely overwhelmed by the butterfly effect. What small, insignificant decision could end up changing the course of my entire life? How can a single text message alter an entire relationship? How can getting up later than usual save a life? The buses missed, the emails never sent, the chance encounters at a party. We will likely never know the gravity of these moments.
The Butterfly Effect (defined by Merriam Webster): a property of chaotic systems (such as the atmosphere) by which small changes in initial conditions can lead to large-scale and unpredictable variation in the future state of the system.
A personal example of the butterfly effect is when my mom applied for a job at Babson College over 25 years ago. She applied to several administrative jobs around the Boston area, and when Babson mailed her offer letter, she accepted the position thinking that she may be at the college for only a couple of years. Turns out, 18 years later she was helping me move my XL twin mattress pad into the freshman dorms, and she is still a Babson employee to this day.
Attending Babson was made financially feasible due to my mom’s employee status, which I recognize as an incredible privilege. My time at school shaped me significantly, and has given me the confidence to go after my passions.
Reconciling with how little moments like that inadvertently shape our lives reminds me of the importance of habits. These small, mundane activities have a bigger impact on us than we may think. Reframing habits in this way transforms habits as chores to potential catalysts for something greater. And if that's not inspiring you to send a freaking email or apply for a job then I don't know what will be (yes I'm talking to myself right now).
As overwhelming as the butterfly effect may be, it's also beautiful, as cheesy as that may sound. Infinite possibilities and paths exist. The prospect of beginnings invigorates me, whether it’s a new calendar year or simply the start of a new journal.
I’m curious if you can think back to any specific time that has drastically changed the course of your life. The obvious one is the pandemic – so much of life has changed because of it. But even before 2020, what are some moments that led to greater change?
We’ll likely never know all of the small things that lead us to where we are now, but that’s okay. Maybe we’re not supposed to know. Understanding that there are things affecting us that are outside of our control is comforting. We can choose to control our habits and daily routines, but we also relinquish our hold on how the future needs to be.
Xo,
Emily
*6* new notifications
Hi!
Pry my phone from my hands, swim to the bottom of the Atlantic, dig until you reach the Earth's crust and please for the love of God bury my phone there. I don’t want it anymore! It’s sucking the life out of me and I can’t take it anymore – oh, did someone like me on Hinge? Could that be my husband? Sorry, never mind, this is important. I’ll be back in a few.
Oh shit, that was 3 hours ago. Okay okay, I’m back. What was I saying? Oh yeah! The phone. Yes, get this demonic, sadistic, pitiless thing off of my weak and feeble hands – wait, someone sent me a text. I don’t need to check it, really… but what if all of my friends secretly hate me and they’re just telling me now? I have to look!
Nevermind it was just this meme from Abby.
You know I could go on with this spewing of my inner monologue (and I will if there’s demand), but I’ll spare you that much. I think we all know where this is going. Today we are talking about the dreaded phone addiction, AKA fuck my screen time.
I grew up with the internet. I had my first AIM username at 8 years old, I got MySpace at 11 and Facebook at 13. My underdeveloped brain has consumed God knows what on the internet for over 17 years. Although they say the brain fully develops at 25, I’m still susceptible to the vortex that is my phone. And I’m not alone: it is estimated that “62% of mobile phone users are with possible addiction”(Naik, Reddy). Not to mention, phone usage has increased dramatically since the start of the pandemic (PwC).
Don’t get me wrong, I love my phone. I think smartphones were technological breakthroughs and have changed the world for the better. But I also believe that too much of a good thing is well, a bad thing. This Sage Wisdom in relation to phone usage is what researchers call mobile phone addiction (MPA), defined as:
constant dependency on one’s mobile phone, causing a constant attachment to one's gadget, leading to loss of productivity and developing chronic side effects such as depression, loneliness, lack of social behavior, loss of sound sleep and various health issues.
So, after we become aware that MPA is affecting us, and how damaging it really is, how can we create healthy boundaries with our phones? Here are some suggestions, take what resonates & leave the rest:
Delete apps off your phone that make you spiral. Vow to only go on these sites (like TikTok or Instagram) on your computer.
Create a phone-free zone, even if it’s just a chair in your room. When you’re in your phone-free zone, switch it to airplane mode and keep your device out of reach.
Create app time limits on your phone.
Stop using your phone as a primary means of entertainment. Read books, watch movies, paint or play music as an alternate form of entertainment and relaxation.
Schedule friend dates, get to know others IRL. Join clubs, take an improv class, cook with friends and family.
Develop an enjoyable nighttime routine that doesn’t end with an hour + scroll on social media.
Prioritize doing tasks that don’t require a phone, even if they may feel uncomfortable and difficult.
For me, I want to take workout classes at night to decrease unnecessary evening scrolls. I also want to spend more quality time with my loved ones instead of just sending each other silly TikToks back and forth. And I want to meet more people! Soon when I move to Boston I can take in-person acting classes and go to random trivia nights, you know, like a real person in the real world.
I also get the irony of me sending this message over the internet, but I do hope I see you all in the flesh one day! If not, I’ll catch ya on IG ;)
Xo,
Emily
three more days till friday...
Hi!
In our culture, running away from ourselves is our favorite pastime.
We seek refuge in distractions. Pleasure and hope in the arms of another. Relief from a sip from a bottle or a hit from a joint. It’s all in good fun, it’s all for the weekends. But what happens when it’s Monday morning and we’re faced with calendar invites and spreadsheets?
I guess we turn to ourselves. We journal and cry and let go of the expectation that life is supposed to be one big distraction. The hedonic treadmill has stopped working and we’re forced to walk down the long, bumpy road. Full of potholes and hills and ice, but also flat roads and sunsets on the horizon. And maybe we realize the road isn’t bad after all. Instead of it feeling lonely, it feels freeing.
We no longer have the pressure of making life feel like a supercut of highs. It’s a full length, 2 and a half hour extended cut of taking out the trash, accidentally cutting our fingers when cooking, telling ourselves we’ll try harder next time and forgiving ourselves if we don’t. It’s the mundane, it’s the disappointment, it’s the dead of winter and single digit degree days. But the movie also has shots of espresso, tequila, summer nights, and swimming in the ocean when the water feels just right. Suffice to say, we don’t experience the good without the bad.
Monday’s are my reality check day of the week. After a lazy Sunday, pulling myself back to “real life” feels uneasy. On those Mondays that feel particularly hard, I remind myself, albeit begrudgingly, that there’s beauty in a tough Monday. It makes the Friday night glass of wine feel sweeter, the coveted Saturday sleep-ins feel indulgent. I can look forward to these moments while in the thick of a busy day. And if I’m simply not in a good mood, feeling unmotivated and annoyed, reframing the way daily life “should” be makes me less hard on myself as I recalibrate.
And suddenly, by Tuesday I’m back in the swing of things. The spreadsheets and calendar invites don’t seem as daunting. The checklists start to get smaller and there is momentum to keep going. It’s just the way of the road, the highs and lows and the exhaustion of it all. There will be rest soon.
The next time you face a tough Monday, or really any day of the week, I hope you are gentle with yourself. If your mind seeks distraction, take a moment to journal, sit still, or maybe move your body gently. Affirm to yourself that it won’t be like this forever, and that it’s normal to have trouble adjusting sometimes. Remember, the weekend will soon come again.
All my love,
Emily
i don't know about you, but i'm feeling 22
Hi all,
Okay, I'm just gonna say it. I’m jealous of the 2000 babies! They’ll be feelin 22 in 2022. How catchy, how memorable! That’s a good omen for all of you 22 year olds or soon to be.
Anyways, how are we all feeling after last year? That was weird right? Like, collectively weird? I could be projecting, but alas, let’s not go down the rabbit hole. Today we start anew, baby! Everyone knows that the REAL New Year starts on the first Monday of the year. So, how’re you faring today?
If you’re sick, down, or not feeling great right now - that is okay. And if you are feeling amazing, motivated, ready to take on the year - also okay! Basically, what I’m trying to say is that whatever you are feeling right now and about 2022 in general is 100% valid.
The only thing I ask of you is to set an intention for the year. Take a minute and really think of how you want this year to feel. Now create a mantra based on this intention and let it guide you throughout the year, even when unforeseen challenges and changes arrive.
My intention for the year is to be more open, and my mantra is “courage over comfort” (thanks Brene Brown!). I want to break out of my shell more and invite adventure, growth, and opportunities in my life. Maybe this sounds silly or dorky, but you know what? I don’t care! It's helpful to me. “Courage over comfort” is something I will turn to when I’m choosing whether to stay in or go out, workout or lounge around, or say yes or no to a new opportunity. So that is what I am working with this year.
I would love to hear what your intention and mantra is for the New Year. Feel free to write back or connect on socials :)
Talk soon,
Emily
because these things will change
Hi!
As summer winds down and we enter a new season, there’s a sense of endings and beginnings in the air. September feels like a new year in its own right; it signifies the start of a new school year and getting back to “real life” after the dog days of summer die out.
Endings always precede new beginnings, often making change a bittersweet predicament. Similarly, change leads to growth, though growing pains are inevitable.
This year, instead of viewing change as an ending of the old and comfortable, I am choosing to see change as a new beginning.
For example, this time last year, I was not planning on moving home from LA. I also didn’t expect to start a journaling business, experience new relationships, and lose certain friends. Although I didn’t expect any of these things to happen, they happened simply because there was an ending of one chapter so a new one had to begin.
Here are some lessons I learned in the past year as a result of change:
Just because you have needs doesn’t mean you’re needy.
Communicate always. It’s better to be upfront about your feelings because it can save a lot of hurt and confusion.
Letting go of people you were once close to is natural. Interestingly, sociologists found that nearly half of friendships have a seven-year expiration date (think of all those freshman year friends you never see anymore).
Just because there isn’t anything wrong, doesn’t mean it’s right. Trust your gut.
You might be feeling confused right now, but instead of putting our energy into trying to figure it all out, we can focus on imagining all of the possibilities that can unfold as a result of change. In other words, consider what you need to lose in order to gain so much more. And an 'end' isn’t final, it’s just the step before a new cycle begins.
As we begin a new season, I recognize that change can be hard, but there's always beauty and excitement in what's to come.
Happy September,
Emily
Artist Feature: India Shawn
I'm so excited about India Shawn. She's been in the music business for years, writing songs for artists such as Keri Hilson, Monica, and Diddy-Dirty Money. Earlier this year she released a slow jam called "Too Sweet" and just last month she released a dreamy track called "Don't Play With My Heart". Suffice to say she's gearing up to release an LP soon that I am so pumped to play. If you're into early 2000s RnB, you'll definitely like India. Check her out on Apple Music, Spotify, and YouTube.
Want me to feature your favorite artist? Send me an email and I'll check them out!
thank u, next
Hi!
On Monday I posted on Instagram a photo with the quote, “it’s okay to live a life that others don’t understand”. I resonated with this quote and decided to share it, not as a plea for sympathy, but rather to relate to others who may be experiencing something similar. The post garnered more attention than usual, so thank you to whoever liked, commented, or reached out to me privately.
This quote has been timely for me as I’ve recently been doing interviews for a short film I acted in last fall. Upon getting asked the question, “what is the main takeaway of the story”, I reflected not only on my character's growth, but also what the film strives to leave the audience feeling. Overwhelming, the answer from the director, the screenwriter, the cast, and myself is that the film explores the power of living authentically. My character seeks to live authentically through performing in drag, but anyone who has ever pursued something somewhat unconventional can relate to this message.
Another theme of the film is to find your community of people who will encourage and inspire you to grow. My character finds her support through the LGBTQ+ and drag community. Reflecting on my own life, I feel incredibly fortunate to have people that support me in my artistic endeavors. I know some people may not have that support right now, so if you feeling any lack of encouragement, please DM or email me. I'm here for you!
Coincidentally, before I posted on Instagram, one of my favorite professors from college wrote to me expressing his support of me pursuing my dreams. I hadn't talked to him in years, and it made my day reading his message as I attribute him as the catalyst for me taking a nontraditional post-grad route. You never know who your silent supporters are, and I've found that there's always more people than you think cheering you on from afar.
Ultimately, there may be people out there who don’t understand the life you have chosen to live, but that’s okay. Naysayers can cause discouragement at first, but you have to remember that what works for them doesn’t have to work for you. You don’t have to prove to people the value in what you are doing if you know the value in yourself.
I hope this reached anyone who may be experiencing doubt right now. If no one else, just know that I believe in you :)
Talk soon,
Emily
Artist Feature:
Jazmine Sullivan
Though Jazmine Sullivan is certainly not an up and coming artist and a legend in her own right, I had to include her in this Artist Feature. I'm honestly not sure why I haven't featured her already. Her album Heaux Tales came out early this year and explores nuanced stories about love, sexuality, and loss. With interludes of friends and family confessing their innermost thoughts and feelings about relationships, Heaux Tales dares to tell stories about female experiences not often told. Check out Jazmine on Apple Music, Spotify, and YouTube.
Want me to feature your favorite artist? Send me an email and I'll check them out!
My journals are now available in Coffee Haven!
If you're in the area, check out the cute display they put up!
76 Railroad St, Holliston, MA 01746
@inbloombyemily unsure of who is in MA, but you can get your journals at coffee haven in Holliston now :) #journaling #stationery #UltaSkinTok #shoplocalma
♬ This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody) [2005 Remaster] - Talking Heads
That's all she wrote
What do I write about in my journal?
Someone over on TikTok asked me this question the other day, so in order to answer them, I looked back at my entry from that morning.
I started off my entry writing about my previous day, then I talked about relationships, then I got into a tangent about HIPAA violations, and ended my entry with saying I’m busy and had to go. That’s a typical entry for me; starts out normal, goes down a rabbit hole, and finishes off with what I have to do next. Sometimes my rabbit holes are pointless and random (like the HIPAA violations one lol), sometimes they’re productive and inspiring, and sometimes they’re just me bitching about stuff. It really depends on the day :’)
I like to start my entries with whatever pops up in my head, and then after a few minutes of writing I’ll ask myself how I’m feeling. I don’t sugar coat anything or shy away from cursing, because well, it’s my journal and I can write whatever I want.
Sometimes, I’ll go back and read my entries from months or years ago and I have to laugh at some of the things I wrote down. Recently, I stumbled upon this line from 2017 where I wrote “no one knows how to hurt me as much as I do”. That made me laugh. I giggled because I was being melodramatic, and I even knew that at the time. I think that the theatrics of writing down your uninhibited thoughts is what makes journaling so fun. There’s no need to censor yourself because it’s just for you. And whatever you write can sometimes come out as poignant and tragic because that’s how you were feeling in the moment.
Looking back at these entries can remind you that these bumps in the road are fleeting. It’s not only interesting to reflect back on, but it's also good to see what still resonates. For example, do I still think I’m my own worst enemy? Sure, sometimes. It's human to feel this way and it’s the price of being competitive with yourself. Am I always my own worst enemy? Of course not! I can be my worst critic while also being my biggest cheerleader. I believe in myself enough to dream big, but also know when I need to push myself to do more. These things are not mutually exclusive and truthfully, when in balance, can inspire me to get shit done.
So, to summarize, my journal entries are predictable yet messy (kind of like most people are). I have no set formula, but I end up following a loose structure. Through journaling, I attempt to figure out what it means to have contrasting thoughts and emotions and then laugh at myself when I realize it’s just not that serious. Anyone else?
I hope that answered the original question, though maybe I made it more confusing. You tell me.
Talk soon!
Emily